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Truth 20. Commonalities Cement Relationships
We have something in common with most everyone we meet, from
secretaries to presidents of companies. Unearthing those
commonalities is a very effective way of building good
relationships with people at work. That goes for people whom
you’ve known for a while, people you’ve just met, and even
people you haven’t met yet but would like to get to know.
Commonalities are points of connection that broaden
relationships beyond the basic information exchanges of
working life. While those exchanges tend to take place on an
impersonal cerebral level, finding ways to touch people
where their values and experiences matter to them helps
develop a stronger personal bond. We each have parts of our
background and interests that we can highlight in order to
connect with others, from where we grew up, or have worked
and traveled, to what we’ve read or studied, or even to the
teams that we root for.
Frieda, a young manager working overseas, was frustrated by
how “hard it is to get noticed in a crowded multinational
company when you’re outside head office.” Having observed
how mentors had helped other young executives in her
company, she decided that she needed similar support. But
what was she to do when she had never worked at headquarters
nor met any of the top guys? However, she had gone to
Stanford University for an executive MBA, and decided to use
her Ivy League experience as her ticket to find a mentor.
She would connect with others in her company who shared that
background.
Using the alumni rosters, Frieda set up appointments for
career discussions with every executive on those lists.
After one round of meetings, at which she asked for support
in getting known at head office, she found herself a mentor.
As a result of his opening of doors, Frieda enjoyed career
discussions with people at the top of the company. After a
year and a half, she was promoted to a country manager role,
and is perfectly positioned for the job she wants next.
Frieda admits that making this happen was tough. But once
she asked for support life got easier.
Connections can be established both directly and indirectly.
A direct approach is to ask people questions, particularly
at social events. Every function is an opportunity to make
connections, and unlike the workplace, these are
environments where all you are expected to do is talk. Once
you are in a position to chat to someone, politely find out
enough about their backgrounds and interests to be able to
respond to them in ways that show that you have similar
experiences, views or qualifications. And don’t forget to
get back to the people you meet. It pays to have business
cards on you all the time and to ask for them when you meet
people.
Indirect approaches involve researching and observing. Use
your networks to ask about key people, or “Google” them
before business meetings or parties. You’ll be surprised by
the wealth of information available, both personal and
professional. Careful daily observation will also source you
great information about people you don’t yet know well. What
pictures do they have in their offices? What books are they
reading? What photos have they got on their desks?
There is always a way to find a commonality. People have
even been known to connect through infirmities. When you and
your dining companion at a dinner, for example, can’t eat
the peanut sauce or drink the red wine, you can always
connect over your strong reactions to these things!
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