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Truth 13. Good Listening Means Tuning In To Your Speaker
“If we were meant to talk more than we listen we would have
been given two mouths and one ear.” You may have heard this
saying, or others like it, as a child. It’s equally
important advice for an adult at work. “He doesn’t listen”
is one of the most common complaints about colleagues and
bosses. And when you don’t listen, people think that you
don’t care.
Now, perhaps you do care, it’s just that you’re not great at
concentrating on what others are saying. Or perhaps you’re
sure that you do listen. However, the key thing is not what
you do, but how your actions are perceived - whether others
think you are listening or not. There are many reasons why
others may think you’re not listening, ranging from your eye
contact, to the way you use your body, to the manner in
which you verbally respond.
The good news is that whether you were born a good listener
or not, there are techniques you can employ to become a
better one in others’ eyes. The techniques of the listening
trade are all about “tuning in.” This means being fully
present as someone is speaking, and not doing anything else.
It may help to think of yourself as a radio dial, tuning
yourself to the other person’s station so that you hear them
clearly and without interference. If you tune in like this,
and display the signs of doing so, to whoever is addressing
you, others will appreciate that you are making the effort
to understand them.
It’s important to move away from distractions when it’s time
to listen to someone. We are bombarded with all kinds of
competition to listening these days, from deadlines to the
internet or telephone. Relaxing your body, by ensuring you
are comfortable, also helps open “tune-in space” in your
brain. As does maintaining eye contact; imagine that your
face is a satellite dish moving to face the speaker.
Listeners can nod to reassure others that they’re listening,
but speakers tend to look to your face for reassurance so
remember to give them eye contact.
Tuning in takes different forms in different people. Some
tune in by “seeing” what they hear, and may need to look off
into space in order to listen. Others need to do something
with their body such as wiggling a foot, tapping their
pencil or doodling. If you are one of these people, it’s
important to let others know that you are staring into space
or drawing not because you are bored, but because it helps
you concentrate on what they are saying.
The way in which you respond to the speaker is further
evidence of how well you have been listening. Too quick a
response may make people feel that you aren’t thinking about
what they said. However, waiting three seconds after someone
finishes not only gives you time to tune in to her words,
but also shows that you weren’t just waiting for a pause so
that you could speak! Repeating some of the speaker’s words
and ideas back to him, and asking clarifying questions, are
also indicators of a “tuned-in” listener.
To really listen you’ve got to tune in with more than your
ears, tune out distractions and let others know, through
words or actions, that you’re following what they’re saying. |
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